I was supposed to go to Chapel Hill this weekend. That didn't work out. Just too much travel for very little time actually there (10-11 hrs driving for only abour 6 waking hrs there=not worth it). I was looking forward to getting out af Augusta, getting excited about the future and having some good bonding time with Angela and Rodger. But it will happen soon enough. Now we are set for going the second weekend in March.
So instead of Chapel Hill, I spent a good amount of time with my big sis and her family. I hung out with Bee Jay and Alice. I practiced guitar. I tried to not be alone too much (sometimes you just can't deal with solitude). Last night I watched "As Good As It Gets". I love that movie. Sometimes I feel like Jack N.'s chracter in that movie. No I'm not OCD, but I definitely have a warped, nut-job side. Sometimes I feel pretty much hopeless about it. Like this is the way I am and always will be and I will never change. But this movie gives me some hope. At the end of the film Jack's character is still undeniably more than a little weird, but he is changing. Little by little, day by day, he is changing in small, almost unnoticeable ways. So I can hope that maybe I too am in fact changing in small, almost unnoticeable ways. And maybe, just maybe a few years down the road the little changes will have accumulated to become something significant.
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You being you, is such a great thing! I have always admired you, well since 6th grade, when I was all pimply and I met you in band. I have always thought you were so real! I appreciated that you weren't afraid of being you. Me, on the otherhand, I was starving to be noted worthy and I was so shallow.
I am very ashamed to admit it, but the you's in the world are the best, most trusted, the me's--not-so-good spineless, nomad terribly afraid of the emotions that come with attachment and the relentless fear of being rejected for being me.
But the me's need the you's to keep us grounded and focused on what really matters.
So thanks for being you! I 'deeply' look forward to knowing you better, now that I am not so pimply.
Wow. What a complement. Indeed, I am not so sure I am worthy of such high praise. Despite appearances, I too have my fears of rejection and fears of "emotions that come with attachment". I [artially attirbute my long stretches of single hood to the latter fear (I have only had two "boyfriends" in my entire life and there were about eight years between those two relationships). I am petrified of heartbreak. But anyhow, I am not one to reject a complement. So thanks so much for seeing all that in me and thanks for the encouragement. We can never get enough of that.
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