Love and Dead Rats

I first have to say the I stole my title for this blog from a chapter in a kids book. It was just such a good title that I couldn't resist.

So let's take a look at love, a word that I think is misused more than any other. Perhaps it is only me and I misuse it by holding it in too high of a regard. The dictionary says. . .

To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward (a person): We love our parents. I love my friends.
To have a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward (a person).

And the Bible says. . .

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.

So this is the standard I set for love. Now let me be the first to say that love is not easy. And being imperfect and human, not I nor any other man or woman who ever lived (except for Jesus himself) was ever able to meet this standard for love. I myself cannot even fully work out the implications of living out this love on a day to day basis. But even I, inspite of all my blindness and stupidity, can usually look in hindsight at my actions and can distinguish between actions that can be classified as love and those that can be classified as no better than stinking, dead, decaying rats. It is really quite simple.

Love never gives up. When I refuse to give up on someone, that shows I love them. But when I lose patience and disregard someone because they don't fit into my standards and expectations. . . that is not love.

Love cares more for others than for self. When we sacrifice what we want and our plans because we know it would be better for someone else if we did. . . that is love. When we are considerate in our words and actions, we are loving. However, when we don't bother to think about how a situation may affect others, that is something other than love. When our words cut down and belittle others, when our actions say "You, what you think, the things you do are all unimportant," we cannot call that love!

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. If I claim to love someone, I will not look at him/her and meditate on all his/her short comings. I will not worry about all of the things that cannot be changed. If I love a person, I accept him/her just as he/she is. . . warts and all.

Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," . . . This goes back to caring for others more than you care for yourself. You are acting in love when you take the time to think before you speak or act. But when you push your way around in life like a bull in a china cabinet, you are showing disrespect for others. When you continually force your way, your ideas, your opinions on others, that is not love.

(Love) Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, . . . If we want to know how to show love to our husbands, wives, children, neighbors, co-workers, etc. don't lose your temper when they make mistakes. In addition to that, don't keep a tally of how many times they have screwed it up, allowing for only a certain number of mishaps before we retract our profession of love or use the score sheet as a way to manipulate or bargain with them.

(Love) Doesn't revel when others grovel,. . . If I love someone, I will not find any pleasure in watching him/her do things that destroy or belittle his/her own body or his/her relationships with others. I certainly would not demonstrate my love by leading or encouraging him/her to do such things. To do so would make my so-called love far worse than rubbish, which is smelly and no good but is thrown away and forgotten. If I am a friend who takes part in the destruction of another friend, I cause true damage which is not easily forgotten.

(Love) Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth. . . Love does not create false illusions. Love resides in reality, not in any fantasy. Love is not found in deception, but in honesty and integrity.

(Love) Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, . . . I think this one goes back to never giving up on people. We all have our rough edges. Love is when someone cuts you with a rough edge, but you suck it up and keep going. Love is when you trust that God is going to heal your own wounds and smooth out the rough edges so that the same mistakes aren't made over and over again. It means that you stop disregarding others saying things like "he'll never change," "she's just hopeless," or "I gave up on them a long time ago."

(Love) Always looks for the best, . . . Love looks past the mess-ups and the mishaps. Love looks deeper. Love looks at the heart of the person and tries to find out the true motivations behind people's actions. Often people have good intentions, but the follow through on those intentions may be flawed.

(Love) Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies. . . enough said.

So when we are wondering how to show love, the answers are simple but not easy. When we are wondering if this flutter in our stomach is true love or just infatuation, we should perhaps let our actions be the indication between love and a selfish whim. When someone claims to love you, but you wonder if they really do. . . look at the way they treat you and speak to you. An apple tree will not produce oranges. Likewise, love will not produce selfishness and destruction. Nor can a self-centered motivation truly produce love.

None of us are perfect, and in this lifetime none of us will be capable of completely pure love. But this is the goal. This is the mark we need to try and reach. Love is not just a feeling. Love is a skill, and like any skill it can always improve. It can always be sharpened a bit more. It can always be taken to the next level. Love must be practiced day in and day out. With regular practice, we become more easy with loving others but we still practice to improve upon what has become easy. And so it should go until the day we die.

God, help me be disciplined in learning and practicing the skill of love.