Commitment

Commitment is one of those things that I have a love/hate relationship with. Sometimes I thrive off of commitment. I love feeling like I truly believe in something or someone. I am truly dedicated to this particular whatever. However, sometimes commitment feels like a stone around my neck. Like this thing is binding me and holding me down against my will. And sometimes it is just scary. I feel like I will be committed, but whatever I'm committing myself to will eventually let me down in some way. And from that I will feel disillusioned, disappointed, and disoriented.

I find myself at a crossroad with something I have always felt deeply committed to . . . my family. In the past I guess I've had it pretty easy with my family. We have generally all gotten along well. We have always known that we love each other, support each other, and though we may disagree at times, we are always there for each other. Lately things feel a bit different. I can't explain it all. I can't understand it all. But I am committed. I couldn't give up on them, even if I really wanted to. If you think of it, pray for my family and this "transition period" or whatever it is.